Doubts loom large, 1979

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About this series: I revisited my journals from my first year as a freelance writer and found they told a story of their own. In this series I get the rare opportunity to give myself, and other writers, career advice with nearly 50 years of hindsight. Enjoy!

Here’s another in my series of journal entries from my early days as a writer. In this entry on the eve of my departure to points unknown, I close the loop on “The turning point, 1978” and try to pump myself up:

After talking with Mom I think I’ve finally resolved many of my doubts about going away. She understands, and my plans are flexible.

… Tonight we disassembled the Christmas tree — first time I’ve done so in years — with warmth, dignity, and love, but a little sadness. That’s good. I will admit I’ll miss home and Mom, very much.

Tonight’s viewing included Cavett, A Wodehouse Playhouse production of “The Nodder,” and the conclusion of Mourning Becomes Electra. Damn! If only I could ever hope to write as powerfully as an O’Neill, as wittily as Wodehouse, or as skillfully as either! I’ll give it a go, but doubts loom large …

3 January 1979
Sunset over Southbury, Connecticut, January 3, 2022. By Howard Fielding. Offered under Creative Commons license CC BY-NC-ND 4.0.

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